Since childhood, I have been listening to this term—introvert—from my surroundings, friends, teachers, etc. etc.
And somehow, they make me feel that there is something wrong with me.
The extroverts, on the other hand, seem so proud of themselves. They are vocal, social, entertaining, expressive—and according to society, that is what being “normal” looks like.
But let’s go a little deeper.
Why is extroversion considered normal in society?
Who decided that?
Maybe the answer is not psychology.
Maybe the answer is the market.
The Extrovert Is Easier to Sell To
We live in a society where showing off has become completely normal.
Go to a friends' group.
There is usually one person who talks the most, makes everyone laugh, keeps the energy alive, and somehow becomes the Centre of attention.
That person is famous.
When there is a plan, that person is always invited.
And sometimes, without that person, the party itself doesn't seem complete.
Why?
Because people want entertainment.
For those few hours, nobody wants silence. Nobody wants deep conversations. Nobody wants to sit and question life.
They want dopamine.
They want excitement.
And the extrovert is very good at providing it.
So naturally, the extrovert becomes socially valuable.
But now let’s look at the same thing from the market's point of view.
Who is more profitable?
An introvert who doesn't care much about showing off?
Or an extrovert who constantly wants to be seen?
Think about it.
The introvert may not care about buying the latest iPhone just to show it to friends.
He may not care about posting every new purchase on social media.
He may not feel the need to buy trending clothes every week.
He may not need a new watch simply because everyone else is wearing one.
He may not need to prove anything to his friends, boyfriend, girlfriend, colleagues or neighbors.
Now ask yourself:
Who will the market celebrate more?
The introvert?
Or the extrovert?
I Have a Wedding Dress Problem
Let me give you a very ordinary example.
One day, I attended a wedding wearing a completely normal outfit.
Actually, it was probably not even appropriate for a wedding according to the current social standards.
One of my friends looked at me and asked:
“Bro, is this not the same dress you were wearing last day at my house?”
Yes.
It was.
Because I don't have a special dress for weddings.
Basically, I hate weddings, and therefore I don't have a special wardrobe for wedding events.
Simple.
But apparently, this is not how you are supposed to live.
My friends and their wives buy matching outfits for these events.
They plan what they are going to wear.
They take pictures.
They post them.
They participate in the whole social experience.
And I am standing there wearing something I already wore somewhere else.
So naturally, I don't look relatable to them.
Now imagine what happens next.
If I become ashamed of myself, I might start buying multiple wedding outfits.
Maybe a few expensive ones.
Maybe matching ones.
Maybe something trending.
Then I wear them.
Everyone is happy.
They see me as one of them.
The market is also happy.
Because I have finally become a good customer.
But what if I simply don't care?
What if I reject the whole thing?
What if I am perfectly happy wearing my old clothes?
Then I become the problem.
Not because I am hurting anyone.
Not because I am doing something immoral.
Simply because I am refusing to participate.
Marriage: The Biggest Upgrade Nobody Calls an Upgrade
And then comes marriage.
Society keeps telling you:
“You should get married.”
As if being single means something is missing.
But nobody tells you what comes after that.
When you are single,
you can live with very little.
One room.
A few clothes.
One phone.
One bike.
Whatever you actually need.
Nobody questions it too much.
But the moment you get married—
Suddenly, your requirements change.
You need a bigger house.
Better furniture.
A better bed.
More clothes.
More appliances.
More decorations.
More travelling.
More celebrations.
More gifts.
More everything.
Why?
Because now you are married.
Even if the woman is earning.
Even if both are financially independent.
The expenses somehow don't disappear.
They expand.
Two people who could independently manage their lives
now suddenly need a lifestyle that proves they are a married couple.
And then comes another beautiful question:
“When are you having children?”
Because apparently, the consumption cycle is not complete yet.
A new person arrives.
And with that person comes another room.
Another bed.
Another wardrobe.
Another school.
Another set of products.
Another set of expectations.
And nobody calls this consumption.
They call it family life.
That is the interesting part.
Society doesn't tell you,
“Go and spend more money.”
It tells you:
“This is what people normally do after marriage.”
And somehow,
normality becomes the most expensive product of all.
So I am not asking whether marriage is good or bad.
That is a different question.
I am asking something much more uncomfortable:
How much of your married life is actually your choice?
And how much of it is a shopping list
that society quietly handed over to you
the moment you said,
“Yes, I am married now.”
The Market Cannot Make You Buy Something You Don't Want
This is where things become interesting.
The market cannot directly enter your mind and say:
“Buy this.”
So it needs representatives.
Advertising is one representative.
Social media is another.
Friends can become representatives.
Celebrities become representatives.
Influencers become representatives.
And sometimes, without even knowing it, we become representatives for the market ourselves.
The message is always slightly different, but the underlying idea remains the same:
You need the latest thing.
You need to look better.
You need to be more social.
You need to attend.
You need to participate.
You need to show people.
You need to post.
You need to upgrade.
And if you don't?
You should feel that you are missing something.
That is the important part.
Make the person feel incomplete first.
The purchase comes later.
Social Media Made This Much Easier
The entire algorithm is beautifully designed around this psychology.
Someone buys the latest phone.
They take pictures.
They post them.
Someone else sees them.
They get excited.
They compare their phone with that person's phone.
They feel slightly behind.
They buy the same phone.
Then they post it.
Someone else sees it.
The cycle continues.
The same thing happens with clothes.
Watches.
Cars.
Restaurants.
Vacations.
Weddings.
Relationships.
Fitness gadgets.
Almost everything.
One of my friends wears a health ring on one hand, a health band on the other hand, and also orders something else for health.
At some point, you have to ask:
How unhealthy does someone have to feel before the health industry can become healthy?
The market doesn't necessarily need you to be healthy.
It needs you to remain concerned about your health.
Because concern creates consumption.
Don't Let the Magnet Reach You
Imagine you are an iron ore.
And there is a very powerful magnet.
You already know what happens when iron comes close to a magnet.
It gets attracted.
But there is another problem.
Once it gets too close, it can get stuck.
So there are two options.
One is to fight the magnet.
The other is much simpler.
Stay far enough away that the magnet cannot reach you.
This is what I think we sometimes need to do with society.
Not fight everyone.
Not prove everyone wrong.
Not become aggressively anti-social.
Just maintain enough distance from the noise that it cannot continuously pull you.
Because the problem is not that other people are extroverts.
Let them be.
The problem begins when their way of living becomes the measurement of your worth.
We Are Not Good People
And there is one more uncomfortable thing I have learned.
We are not good people.
First, accept this.
Not me.
Not you.
Not them.
We are human beings trying to survive among other human beings, carrying our desires, fears, insecurities, comparisons and conditioning.
And among these inhumanly human people, we have to make choices.
So make your choices doubtful.
Question them.
Ask yourself multiple questions.
Why do I want this?
Do I actually want this?
Or do I want people to see me having this?
Why am I buying this?
Would I still buy it if nobody knew?
Why am I attending?
Why am I dressing this way?
Why do I need to post this?
Why am I trying to become someone else?
And perhaps the most important question:
Am I living my life, or am I performing it for an audience?
Because the market does not necessarily need you to be happy.
It needs you to remain dissatisfied enough to keep consuming.
And society does not necessarily need you to be yourself.
It often needs you to be acceptable.
So the next time someone tries to convert you from an introvert into an extrovert, don't immediately assume that they are helping you.
Maybe they are.
Maybe they aren't.
Just ask yourself one question before following them:
“Who benefits if I become this person?”
And then remember:
Save from yourself.
It has a deeper meaning than it appears.
Because sometimes the biggest salesman standing between you and a meaningless purchase...
is you.